How I’ve changed…

18 08 2007

As I sit here with a growling stomach, wondering if breakfast would ever arrive, I decided to surf Friendster and reminisce the past by looking back on the past testimonials that have been written about me. Friendster used to be such a hype and it still is among the kiddies (heh) but as I survive more days, it is fast becoming something of the past (although it is still a site I visit when I’m bored). Nevertheless, for a moment just now, I felt that Friendster has indeed played a positive role in enabling friends to recognize and show their appreciation for another friend. So many of us only tend to say the good stuff about someone at his/her funeral. But isn’t that like talking to the wall? I really wonder why do we bother saying the good stuff at someone’s funeral when all it does is make the family of the deceased more depressed for having to say farewell to someone who is ‘that nice’. So in that sense, Friendster has successfully build a bridge for friends to convey true positive feelings to their friends while they are still alive. A good move as we are living in a society where we are not as vocal about our feelings as the people in our western counterparts are.

And I realized I’ve diverge too much from the Title.

Back to it. Reading those testimonials, I sense the consistency in almost all of it. If so many people observes the same thing, does that make it true? Those testimonials made me felt good about myself, just like testimonials should. And I felt like I really love being that person they wrote about. But somehow, I see that person as a third-person. They spoke about her being energetic, fun-loving, humorous, a prankster, kind, caring, not easily angered and what-nots.

These days, while I’m not usually tired even after work, I would not say that my life is full of energy. These days, while I still care about people close to my heart, I do not really take the effort to ‘kepo’ aka care about others. These days, while I still am not easily angered when I get teased, I have retaliated twice within a month. I no longer pull pranks. People says I’ve grown up. I say I’ve gone boring 😦 and I don’t find myself humorous. The only constant would be that I still love playing more than working. Maybe work has changed me. I don’t know – quick sidetrack: I always say ‘I don’t know’ when I’m confused. I realized I’ve not said ‘I don’t know’ in a loooong time. That’s a Yippie 😀 but the fact that I said ‘I don’t know’ now means I’m kinda lost. Sigh.

As I continue living, I began to understand myself deeper. Yet, I realized that I am but an unstable matter. While there are two sides to a coin, I discovered that I am the same. At times I can appear so excited, so energetic, so talkative, so motivating. But flip the coin and you will find me being so quiet, so serious, so apathy, so unresponsive. For the record, I do not have a moody persona, at least no one ever told me I am emo 🙂 , but these days, I find myself being kinda serious and less sociable within the proximity of work space. Sigh.

Out of office is my favourite time of any day. The freedom to be me. The freedom to jump hop skip and play like a monkey without a care about what professionalism crap image is all about. Some people love the professional office lady look and I was like that till recently. I used to be the person who would be agitated if I do not like what I think is cool (i.e pro image). But now, I have no qualms accepting and saying that I’m not that kinda person. After all, while the packaging of an ice cream is what sells, at the end of the day, you still have to find the flavour within that really suits you 🙂 . I believe you can never go wrong by being true to yourself.

Friends I’ve acquired from my childhood right up to my uni days who have seen me in my craziest acts and do not judge me are the very people I love being around. No monkey business, no games, just plain sincere friendships.

Apart from that,

Everything is just an act.

P/S: Make no mistake, I’m not unhappy at work. I just feel that it is sometimes a tad too serious for me. And it could eat me alive if I’m not careful.

Cheers! It’s time to break fast 😉


Congratulated for the weirdest reason

10 08 2007

Today, as I stood talking to his secretary, my boss came to me and said “I would like to congratulate you for wearing skirt”.

*I don’t know if I should laugh or faint at his crappiness*.

He’s one weird boss. His reason for congratulating me was that its very rare to see me in skirt.

Sometimes I just hate wearing skirt because of the attention (Yes, I like to keep a low profile 😛 ). Somehow, someone is bound to say “Wah Esther wear skirt today” or “You should wear skirt more often” or “You look more feminine in skirt”. What, wearing skirt once a week is not enough? heh. I know that wearing pants makes me look rather boyish. No idea why it’s that way on me but on most ladies it seemed fine. 😐

My usual reply to wearing skirts more frequent is that I wear skirts only when I have the mood. And that usually happens when I am so fed up of office-wear. Wearing a skirt gives me more freedom to dress down yet seem presentable.

Anyway, this is just a pointless no objective crappy Friday post posted at 11.56pm with my eyes half shut.


Nitezzzz 🙂

I know what I want

7 08 2007

I don’t normally write about my day or my job for that matter, but I just felt like updating a little about my career. Plus that it has been a pretty interesting day today.

So, where should I start…

Okay, for those not in the know, I am currently attached to a Bank under the Management Associate Program, whereby in a nutshell, the 10 of us in this 15 months program enjoy the privilege of rotating among various divisions within the Bank which are related to our core division (in my case, I’m anchored at Retail Commercial Banking Division). Without the slightest hint, it has been 1 year since I joined the Bank. Life @ work has been interesting so far. All the rotations could only mean that I do not have a fixed job function. In fact, my only job for this past year had been to learn and absorb all I can from the rotations. Not bad huh? Kinda like Uni, except I’m being paid. But of course, there are the occasional brain-dry a.k.a boredom sessions from having to float from division to division and living like a nomad with no permanent seating or PC!

Anyway, after 15 months of training, I am supposed to be permanently anchored to a unit within my division. However, 3 months to the end of our 15 months program, our Head of Division has decided to base us (me and another MA colleague) permanently in our unit of choice. Since chasing targets do not cause me to have an adrenalin rush, hence becoming a Marketing Manager or an Account Manager was a no-no for me. Thus, my only other option was to be in the Business and Strategic Planning Department. To which I chose to be in the Portfolio Management Unit. In brief, my life at work now revolves around figures, statistics, percentages, spreadsheets, analysis and analysis. Sounds interesting? Yea, I know how you feel. Almost everyone who knows what I do commented “Boring” or “It’s so not you”. And I know why. People see me as the one out there, running around and not staying in the office staring at the monitor 9 hours a day. And honestly, given a choice, I would have wanted to be in the Corporate Affairs Marketing Division- running events and campaigns for the Bank. But oh well, as much as they say that life is about choices, I found out that while it is true, it is not always true 🙂 . Yet, truth be told, it ain’t half bad. In fact, I find it pretty interesting. And I’m beginning to detest it when people walk pass my desk and ask if I’m having fun, in that ‘your-job-is-so-boring’ tone. Well, given the freedom to speak with apathy, I would have replied “Oh, what I’m doing is a thousand times more interesting than yours, which is cleaning up people’s shit 😉 “.

So rounding things up, I should mention that while being in PMU is my choice but not my ultimate wish, so far it has been pretty interesting. I have always enjoyed doing things with the computer, getting technical and putting my analytical mind to the test. And I’m getting to do all that and more in PMU. PMU in my division is a pretty young team and it is my HOD’s wish to strengthen the team. I do see potential in PMU and so despite what others think, I’m sticking to it! 🙂

Oh and today, work ended at 4.45pm due to power outage in the whole tower. In quite an instant, the uber-quiet office turned into a night market 😀

Also, I just wanna mention that I was inspired today by a friend. Something he said made me realise that I should start planning for my future seriously as in, stop focusing on having fun and thinking more about building assets. Well, I would not go into details, but let’s just say I now know what I want. Be it in career, life or relationships.

Sidetrack: As I blog, I’m watching ‘Evan Almighty’ and a line from the movie hit home. So often we hear people say that they want to change the world, even me myself. But people who says they wanna change the world often do not know where to start. The question is how or where do we start? Start with “One act of random kindness at a time” – so says God from Evan Almighty. 😀 ‘Evan Almighty’ is pretty much based on the story of Noah’s Ark from the Bible, with a twist of the modern world.

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27 05 2007

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Kaypo (Busybody) or Concerned?

12 05 2007

I’m just so frustrated with the way road users behave on the road. No, I’m not talking about recklessly speeding or tail gating. I’m more concerned with the way Malaysians love slowing down and jamming the road whenever there’s an accident on the opposite side of the road!

Sure, it’s always interesting to watch real-life drama unfolding in front of your eyes and such incidents are rare. After all most of the drama we grew up watching are from that idiot box. But still! To have like 20 idiotic cars stopping at the side of the road to feed their curiosity is a bit too much.

Before I ramble on further, perhaps its better for me to paint the picture first. What happened was, awhile ago there was an accident of some sort on Federal Highway. I’m not sure how serious it was but from the look of it, with a fire truck, policemen and 4 ambulances there, I think it’s pretty serious. From my quick gaze of the situation, I could see that it involved a tanker carrying liquefied gas but that’s all I could make out of it cause apart from these main characters, many kelefeh (extras) like cars, motorcycles, lorries and unnecessary humans were there to demonstrate their teamwork. Not to mention to add to the confusion and the strawberry jam that is building up on both sides of the roads! They can actually park their vehicles as far as 50m away just to ‘participate’ in that incident! People from the opposite side of the accident are so helpful that they parked their cars at the opposite side and ran over to give their moral support.

This is not the first time I’ve come across such an incident and I know I’m not the only one to come across such scenarios where the unity of the human race are demonstrated so strongly. It’s not that I have no heart or I’m such a calm person that even if Godzilla picks me up I’m still at peace. No. It’s just that I don’t see the point of slowing down or stopping. Okay fine, slowing down for a peek or two within a few seconds is acceptable but to have the traffic come to a standstill is ridiculous! What do they hope to achieve by stopping? Unless they are doctors or paramedics, I don’t see what extra help they can give the firemen, police and doctors that were already there. I mean come on, even if you don’t have common sense, I’m sure you’ve watched a drama where doctors tell the people not to crowd around the patient to avoid him being suffocated. Give that poor guy some space and leave it to the authorities lar!

Worse still, a few days ago something similar happened where the accident was on the other side but my side of the road jammed up and guess what? One car smashed into the car in front of him. Brilliant right? Was the thrill of watching some mishap worth the repairs and pains you risk enduring? If you are on some road like Cyberjaya (where you can’t even knock down a stray dog if you want to- says my colleague), then you can stop and record the whole life-saving incident all you want. But on a highway, be more considerate and move on lar. I really like the way they put up those high divider barriers (or whatever its called) between the roads on Penang Bridge. That would stop the ‘concerned’ people on the opposite side to slow down and watch when an accident occur on the other side. Somebody go suggest that to Samy Vellu to get it implemented on all major highways please.

Kayponess kills. Don’t do it.